


Love in the Form of a Poem

by GhostJimmy



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Confessions, Connor writes poetry, First Kiss, Halloween Costumes, Hank is clueless, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, but not that slow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 00:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21261896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostJimmy/pseuds/GhostJimmy
Summary: Post-revolution, Connor is living with Hank and attempting to sort out his emotions. The only way he can think of to get out all of his new feelings is by writing poetry. As he prepares for his first Halloween, Connor contemplates his feelings towards Hank, but how is he supposed to know what love feels like?





	Love in the Form of a Poem

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lonesomeramen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonesomeramen/gifts).

> This is a Halloween Exchange fic for the lovely @safespacetocry !! Go check them out on Twitter and here on ao3 and have a happy Halloween!!

Deviancy wasn’t easy for Connor. Not that it was easy for the majority of androids anyway, but Connor was having difficulty understanding how emotions and feelings worked and how to react to them. He’d immediately felt scared after deviating and that feeling had subsided but not gone away completely. There was regret and it sat like a brick in his chest when he thought about how he’d hunted down his own people just months before with no thought to who they were inside. And when the feelings began to overwhelm him, he wrote.

It was something that had been suggested to him by Markus after the revolution. He’d told Connor to write down his feelings, his thoughts, or even just what he did on a day-to-day basis. And so, Connor bought a journal and started to write.

It didn’t take long for Connor to find the beauty of poetry; he read everything from the classics to modern poetry and even listened to beat poetry that he found online. People were using poems to bring the emotions they had deep within them to the surface and share it with the world. He had been trying to write his feelings in a way he was used to, analytical and specific down to every detail. But something didn’t feel right.

Until he decided to try writing poetry for himself.

_Deviancy feels wrong._   
_ Why should I deserve to feel when I’ve brought pain to those like me?_   
_ I hurt them._   
_ And now I can understand the pain I caused in greater detail than I would have wanted._   
_ Sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel,_   
_ Or, at least, to not feel everything with so much force._   
_ Is this how humans feel?_   
_ Or am I still wrong?_

As he wrote, his emotions would be able to flow smoothly out of him in a way he hadn’t ever imagined. And he slowly found feelings he didn’t realize he had. In particular, his feelings towards one Lieutenant Hank Anderson.

Love, an emotion he hadn’t expected to ever feel, had washed over him one day when Hank hugged him outside of the Chicken Feed after the revolution came to its conclusion. Connor hadn’t been held before and instantly he’d been overwhelmed by the warmth of Hank’s body against his and the heartbeat he could feel in the man’s chest. Connor almost overheated from all the information he took in with one hug. It was special, it made him feel safe.

Hank immediately invited Connor to stay with him at his house. He’d thought about saying no but then where would he live? He didn’t have money or any real friends other than Hank so he ultimately accepted, and moved in. It was new but comfortable. He quickly found he didn’t need to go into stasis every night so when he wasn’t working he was writing.

_Soft, fluffy, fuzzy._   
_ He breathes in pants and drools on the floor_   
_ But when you love a creature who loves you back_   
_ Can you really ever ask for more?_

Connor wasn’t going to win awards for his poetry but when he sat in Hank’s living room while the man slept with a big dog sharing the couch with him he felt _something_\- maybe it was happiness or comfort but he liked it, that’s all he really knew.

But on his mind was always _Hank_. Hank holding him, Hank kissing him, Hank touching him- but only in preconstructions. Connor wasn’t sure if Hank was even open to feeling love again let alone with Connor, an android. He knew it was silly to feel so insecure over how Hank perceived him but he couldn’t help it.

When they first met, Hank wanted nothing to do with him or any other android. Things had changed since then, sure, but maybe Hank wouldn’t ever want him as anything more than a friend. Connor could live with it but it made something in his thirium pump tighten in a not-so-nice way. He didn’t want to think about a life without Hank in it.

_What’s the point of being deviant_   
_ When my emotions stay trapped_   
_ In the cage that is my synthetic heart._   
_ Do the feelings of a poor android_   
_ Matter to you?_   
_ Your life has been full_   
_ And mine has hardly begun._   
_ What am I to you?_   
_ A machine?_   
_ Or something you could learn_   
_ To love?_

“Connor?” He heard Hank call from the living room. He had just returned from work and Connor closed his journal, shoving it in the drawer that held the clothes Hank had bought for him.

He walked out to see Hank removing his jacket. “Yes, lieutenant?”

“Don’t call me that outside of work, we’ve been over this.” Hank looked around, “What did you do to the house?”

Earlier that day, Connor had pulled out a box of Halloween decorations from the messy garage. There were only a few days until Halloween and Connor wanted to make the house look the part.

“I decorated. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just… it’s surprising, that’s all.” Hank had a hint of a smile on his face. Connor knew he hadn’t celebrated many holidays since Cole’s death but it made him happy that something he had done could bring a little joy back into Hank’s life.

“I have costumes, too!”

Hank frowned, “No, no way. Connor, I’m not wearing a costume.”

“Just try it on. Please, Hank?” Connor was getting good at using his ‘puppy-dog-eyes’ to convince Hank to do what he wanted.

“...Fine.” Hank grabs the bag holding his costume and carries it to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Connor had tried to find a costume for Sumo but everything he saw was clearly intended for smaller dogs and he had no luck finding anything that would fit Sumo. But he knew the kids in the nearby neighborhoods would love seeing the large dog, costume or no.

While waiting for Hank to put on the costume, he hung up the coat the man had deposited on the couch then began looking through the fridge for something to make Hank for dinner. Connor couldn't eat but he still enjoyed cooking, especially when it got Hank to eat foods that were overall healthier than his diet had been before they’d met. He eventually settled on making curry with chicken and broccoli; Hank didn’t like broccoli but the other ingredients tended to overshadow it enough that he’d eat it.

It was taking Hank a long time to get changed. Connor was getting a little bored and there was a hint of worry in his mind that Hank really wouldn’t like the costume he’d picked.

When Hank finally exited the bathroom wearing his costume, Connor couldn’t help but smile.

“You look so good!” Connor laughed but he meant it. He’d picked out a bear costume for Hank and a Goldilocks costume for himself. It didn’t exactly make sense but he had loved the way they looked and hadn’t had any better ideas for costumes that weren’t clearly meant for couples.

“I feel ridiculous,” Hank grumbled but Connor could see a grin appearing on his face despite his words.

Connor’s smile widened. “Well, I love it. Now, are you ready for dinner?”

At his words, Sumo sat up and barked excitedly causing both men to laugh.

~

Connor sat in the dark, Hank fast asleep in the bedroom down the hall, and wrote. When he had the living room to himself he felt he could tap into his emotions with more ease and it was the perfect time to put them on the page. No light, no people, no distractions.

_The darkness calls to me, calms me_   
_ When sleep becomes an impossible task_   
_ And my feelings flow through me like thirium._   
_ At times I imagine your feelings match mine_   
_ But I’m too scared, too frightened_   
_ That you’ll say No._   
_ So I sit here, surrounded by night,_   
_ Hoping some secrets will be revealed to me._   
_ But you aren’t one for sharing feelings_   
_ And I don’t understand myself anymore._   
_ Maybe it was better_   
_ When I was being controlled._

He closes his notebook, placing it on the coffee table in front of him before relaxing back into the couch. Sumo always seemed to sense his distress and quickly joined him on the couch, covering most of Connor’s body with his weight. It relaxed him and he easily slipped into stasis.

~

When Connor came out of stasis the following morning he was surprised to find Hank awake, making breakfast for himself.

“Stay up late last night?” The man asked, moving eggs from the pan to a plate.

“I don’t quite recall. Why?”

“It’s not like you to wake up after me.” There was a smirk on Hank’s face. “I kind of like the change though.”

Connor stood and stretched, feeling his plastic joints adjust and shift after a few hours of sitting completely still on the couch.

“Do you want me to take Sumo for a walk?” He gave the big dog some scratches behind his ears.

Hank handed him a glass of a blue liquid- thirium, presumably- and grinned. “No need, I took him out earlier this morning.”

“Guess I really did sleep in.” Connor sipped on his drink and moved to sit across from Hank who was digging into his breakfast.

Sitting with Hank during meals always made Connor painfully aware of his android aspects. He never felt like he could fit in perfectly in Hank’s world, not when he didn’t eat or require sleep and hadn’t, until recently, been able to feel things.

But when Hank included him in those parts of his day anyway and asked questions about whether or not androids dream and how Connor felt about work at the DPD post-revolution he didn’t feel so disconnected. Hank had a way of calming all of his fears and worries without even being aware of it.

“I might go buy a few more bags of candy for tonight.”

“I think we have more than enough, Con.”

Connor stood, putting his empty glass in the dishwasher and grabbing the wallet Hank had bought for him a while back before heading out the door.

“I won’t be long!” Hank gave him a smile before going back to his breakfast.

~

_Have you appreciated the sunrise?_   
_ The moon shining bright on a dark night?_   
_ I used to wish my spirit,_   
_ If I even have one,_   
_ Could desert this plane of existence,_   
_ And move away from all the fear._   
_ Now I see the orbs of light high up in the sky_   
_ And I love being under them,_   
_ On Earth_   
_ With a life to share._   
_ I could have lost all of that_   
_ But the world wouldn’t let me give up._

Connor returned to Hank’s house (their house?) with two more bags of candy, anticipation settling in his wires for the night ahead. He pulled out the key to the house and unlocked it, stepping over the threshold and toeing off his shoes.

“I’m back!” He called out, searching the living room for Hank. He found the man looking back at him in surprise, holding Connor’s notebook in his hands.

“I- Connor, I can explain.” Hank stumbled over his words, “I’ve seen it lying around and… I knew it was an invasion of privacy but I was curious.”

Connor felt his face heat up and he dropped the candy on the kitchen counter before rushing over and pulling his notebook from Hank’s hands. “I don’t know how much you read but-”

“Look, Connor, it’s clear you have feelings for… someone. And, you know, you should go for it.”

Connor looked at Hank in confusion. Did Hank think he liked someone else? Were his poems that vague?

Before he could say anything else, Hank had exited to the bathroom and he was left alone with his thoughts and his notebook.

~

Connor pulled on his Goldilocks costume- he decided to skip the wig, it was too much for him- and filled a bowl with candy in preparation for the trick-or-treaters that would arrive soon. It was his first Halloween and he was… excited to say the least. All the children and costumes and smiling faces were something he’d been looking forward to for a few months. The only issue was that Hank seemed to be ignoring him, or at least avoiding him.

“Hank, the first group of kids will be arriving soon!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

Hank exited the bedroom wearing his costume and Connor grinned. “I’m glad you decided to go along with me. I know you weren’t exactly excited at first but I hope we can have a good evening.”

He was met with a hesitant smile in response- hesitant but there nonetheless.

Connor wanted to talk to Hank, maybe even confess, but just as he went to open his mouth the doorbell rang.

“Looks like the first of them are here.” Hank picked up the bowl of candy and paused by the door, waiting for Connor to join him. Connor stepped up beside him and hoped they looked like a good pair.

Hank opened the door and smiled at the three young kids in front of him dressed as a ghost, a witch, and an android.

“I love your costumes!” Connor admired as Hank handed out their candy.

The boy dressed as the android looked at Connor’s temple and smiled before walking away with the rest of his group.

When they closed the door Connor could see a wistful look on Hank’s face.

“It reminds me of Cole. He loved Halloween.” Hank sighed and put the candy bowl back on the table. “The year before he… before the accident, he went as Spiderman and I had never seen him so happy.”

Connor poured a glass of apple cider for Hank and handed it to him. Hank took it and sipped from it. “I know it’s not as… strong as what you’re used to but it’s something.”

“No, you’re right. This is nice. Thank you, Con.”

“If you need me to handle the trick-or-treaters for a while, I can.”

Hank shook his head. “I’m fine, really. Just brings back memories.”

Connor saw Hank smiling at him and felt his thirium pump skip a beat. There was so much pain in his eyes accompanied by the shine of happy memories he’d shared with his son so long ago. Connor knew what he felt for him now, at this moment, must be love.

The two of them continued to hand out candy and watch children gush over Sumo until the doorbell stopped ringing as frequently and their candy was running out.

“I guess it was good you bought more after all,” Hank noted, looking into the almost empty candy bowl.

“I may have kept a bag just for us.” Connor grinned and pulled a candy bag from behind a couch cushion. Hank laughed and placed a hand on Connor’s shoulder- their eyes met and Connor thought he could see something in them.

“Hank I-” Connor stumbled over his words and picked up his notebook. “There’s a poem I think you should read.”

He handed the journal to Hank, open to a specific page he hoped would clear things up.

_Hank,_   
_ Your name easily slips past my tongue._   
_ Hank,_   
_ You helped me when no one else would._   
_ Hank,_   
_ You taught me to be human._   
_ Hank,_   
_ Let me guide you through your grief._   
_ Hank,_   
_ Help me realize who I am._   
_ Hank,_   
_ Is what I feel love?_

There was silence as Hank’s eyes moved across the page. Connor felt his thirium pump tighten in what felt like fear. What if Hank says no? What if he gets rejected? What if Hank won’t let him stay here anymore? What if-

“Connor.” He looked up to find Hank looking back at him. It was hard to meet his gaze when he didn’t know what was coming next. No amount of preconstructions could tell him what Hank’s reaction would be.

There was a hand on his shoulder and another on his chin as Hank tilted Connor’s head up and kissed him. It was gentle, careful, but full of something Connor couldn’t quite put his finger on. He could taste the sugar of the cider he’d given Hank earlier and hints of many other things that were uniquely _Hank_.

When they pulled back, Connor was blushing a bright blue and even Hank had a red tint to his face.

“Connor, I-” Hank sighed and looked away. “I read those poems and thought they were about someone else and I just want you to know that I like you, Con. I have for a long time. But I didn’t think you liked me back.”

It was Connor’s turn to move Hank’s chin to face him. “That’s exactly how I felt, Hank. I wasn’t sure if you liked me, if you even could like me, and so I said nothing. But I have feelings for you and it’s been so hard for me to understand these feelings but I’m glad you know. And I’m glad you have feelings for me too.”

Connor kissed Hank again, this time with more strength and passion. He heard Hank groan against his lips and sighed.

“So, how was your first Halloween, Con?”

Connor smiled and pulled Hank into a tight embrace. “Better than I ever could have hoped for.”

_Your eyes are the stars_   
_ That shine through the night._   
_ The darkness that held me_   
_ Was broken by your light._   
_ A light you had felt_   
_ Had gone forever,_   
_ But when I see your face_   
_ I know that emotions have never_   
_ Felt more confusing_   
_ Or been harder to see_   
_ Ever since that night we embraced_   
_ And I felt as though you loved me._   
_ Now I finally know_   
_ How you feel about me_   
_ And I want the world to know_   
_ And everyone to see_   
_ Just how much I love you._   
_ And how perfect life can be._

**Author's Note:**

> Check me out on twitter (@anotherconnor) for more Hankcon thoughts and random crap I decide to tweet. Let me know what you thought of the fic, it's been a while since I've written an entire thing from start to finish.


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